Sucks memories (in 2015) that yet become a catalyst.

Assalamualaikum and hey to my stalkers and readers!

Wow, I hadn't updated my blog like two years. TWO YEARS? Oh my God. hahahah.  Btw, I just finished my SPM weeks like a month and 13 days ago and I feel really heavenly now as I can wake up late in the morning. So, today I'm going to write a story.. Umm, I mean a story that I truly can not forget until now, maybe even years from now, or maybe I'll even remember it for my entire life. 

I need to tell it in this blog as I can't bear to keep it inside my heart longer. No one know about this story except one of my best friend. So far, I just told her bcs I honestly feel a little bit shameful with what have happened and I believe with her. 

so the story began like this..

It happened like a week before SPM (a week before SPM, dudes. son of a biscuit.) and we need to finish our 'borang berhenti sekolah' before SPM start and send it to our homeroom teacher. Then, during that time my friends and I wanted this 'teacher' to sign something for us on our borang.

From my perspective, this teacher is just an ordinary teacher, he's not that good-looking (in other word, handsome) and students always said that he's not that furious person and looks lame. So, I truly expect that he's a kind-heart and calm, but, it is opposite and I really regret for judge a book by its cover.

It was morning actually and we had our 'ceramah' for Bahasa Malaysia. There were a lot (not really) students who were last-minute-to-do-something (like me) went to his office. He asked all the students about their fathers and mothers, except me.

And then, when it was my turn, he said this to me, "Aik, bukan kau sudah habis sekolah kah tu? Macam lama sudah saya nampak kau di sini." For his first 'shoot' I didn't really feel like being teased, I didn't feel shocked because my bro ever been asked by him with the same question. Then I answered, "Belum cikgu."

Then, he asked me again and I swear I don't know why he asked me this all of sudden, "Bukan kau kah tu yang saya nampak berdating di pekan? Sama boyfriend kau.." Like seriously, it is totally a piece of sh*t because I don't have a boyfriend. Tbh, I feel being teased and mocked by him by this question, it hurts my pride and I felt angry tbh. His second 'shoot'; quite painful.

Then, I answered, "Manada cikgu. Saya tiada boyfriend." Then, here come the third 'shoot', it was the most freaking d*mn painful.

He said, "Aik, kenapa kau tiada boyfriend? Tidak laku kah?" Like seriously, during that time, I felt like just want to burst into tears but I kept held it tight. So tight. And I've never been felt this so worst for my entire life. I was speechless. Then, I wanted to get out from the office immediately but my friend told me to wait for them (I actually came with my two classmates).

After that, on the way to go to our classroom, I told my friend to keep my borang bcs I want to go to the washroom. Not to pee, or throw my poops, but to cry. Yes, I cried hardly. I can't held my tears. I just burst to tears and my eyes were so red. I felt so shameful. I felt down. I felt sucks. I thought, it is a sin to not have a boyfriend? to not date with someone at my age? Is that matter that much until I got this very shameful phrase? I stayed like 30 mins. 

Then, I got out from the washroom, bravely, and sit on one of the bench-like in the washroom. I try to calm myself before went out from there, bcs I needed to attend the 'ceramah'. Then, when the makcik yang jaga tandas looked at me accidentally, she asked me if I was okay. I just nodded. Then, she realized that my eyes were puffy and red, asked me if I got flu, then I just shook my head weakly. 

Tbh, I really felt ashamed to went out with those my eyes puffy and red, but I just went out from the washroom bravely and did like nothing happened. Thanks God when I reached at my class, no one at there. I felt grateful. Then, I just took a pen and paper (to cover my face) and went to the hall to attend the 'ceramah'.

Accidentally, I met with my best friend, she didn't realized initially, then she smelled something bad had happened with me and I told her everything from A to Z, and I cried so hardly again. Then, I love it when she swore that teacher. I feel a bit lighter when I told her everything and she listened. Then, she said sorry for not being there with me and she needed to go to the 'ceramah'. I told her that I felt sucks to even attend that 'ceramah' and if anyone searched for me just told them any good excuses. 

I stayed in surau and I tried to calm myself with recited some doa from the Buku Yassin. Then, I slept rested at there. 

Now, do you get it why I can't forget it? Huhuhu. Such a memorable. Memorable lah sangat. Macam taih kucing campur taih anjing saja. 

Tapi, apa yang paling penting, saya mau ucap terima kasih juga dengan teacher tu sebab kalau bukan dia hina saya begitu, mungkin saya tiada semangat mau bersenam sekarang. Ya, bersenam. Dan satu lagi, lepas dia hina saya gitu, saya bertekad berazam untuk mau kasi gempak result SPM saya supaya mata dia yang besar tu tambah terbesar. Hahahaha. 

He may teased me that I'm ugly and fatso even he doesn't say tapi itulah yang what he really means with his dumbass question, but kalau dia tidak cakap begitu, semangat untuk saya mau kasi gempak result SPM mungkin tidak begitu tinggi. Kalau dia tidak cakap begitu, mungkin saya tiada semangat mau bersenam, kasi sihat badan sekarang (in other word, mau kasi turun berat badan).

Okay you guys, terima kasih sebab baca, thanks for read my lame post. wakakak. Btw, HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR 2016! Semoga tahun ini better than tahun lalu. Aamiin. :) 

p/s: Dear teacher, saya tahu juga teacher tidak akan baca ni post (memang saya tidak mau pun), walaupun saya rasa mau slap teacher guna semua buku saya and baling teacher dengan semua lanjang di rumah saya, saya tetap juga kasi maaf teacher (walaupun susah, until now). I just want teacher to go away from my life, faraway, and don't ever look at me when I accept my result, don't ever think to meet with me even berselisih sekalipun, bcs I don't want to look, meet or berselisih at you. OK, thanks :)

Obstacles proved that how strong we are.

Assalamualaikum and hey readers and stalkers! hahaha ;)

It had been a long time since I don't write anything in my blog. Well, everyone have their own schedule to deal. 

Btw, today.. my story is about the day when my late grandpa passed away. It is just a short post. 

I still remember. It was 6th April 2011. That day had been destined that my grandpa will go for forever.. 

During that time, of course all my families were sad and crying hardly. Even, my dad. Then, I went outside the patients room. Accidentally, I saw my grandma (which is my late grandpa's wife) sat on one of the benches. She looked so sad and crying hardly. I never saw her crying hardly like that day. 

Because she was the person that always made us laugh. Then, I came closer to her, trying to calm her. I said to her while rubbed her back.. "Sudahlah tu nek..".

And her answer totally hit me, she said weakly, "Ya. Inilah dugaanNya. Yang kita hanya mampu buat hanyalah SABAR.. Sabar.."

Then, I'm just sighed and continued to cry, but, surely, I can see how strong she was. I'm just a little girl during that time. And now, I understand why she said like that. Because be patient is one of the way that prove how strong we are.. And sometimes someone need to cry to relief things that heavy in our heart. 

To be honest, too much things that I regretted. Firstly, because my late grandpa lived at a place over 100 kilometers away from us, so we just went to see them occasionally. I regretted that I didn't spent too much time with him, but this time, I don't want it happen with my grandma :')

The hospital where my grandpa entered always remind me of him. I always feel like...he was still at there waiting for us to visit him. I know it was insane, but, I just can feel his presence at there..

Btw, be strong you guys! Smile even you're sad. Let out all your sadness with pray to God. :)

Dear diary: Beautiful End of July.

Assalamualaikum and hey you guys!

Yayy. It was December now! Rainy days are always come in my country. But sadly, it was a last month in this year :( and big examination for the 98's liner will come soon next year, I'm scared! Hah! :O

Okay, it is about my old best friend. Even that we had been apart for.. about 10 years (such a long time), I still call him as my best friend. Because he's my very best friend of male I ever have, so, I must appreciate it.

But, you know. We grow up. We change. We know a lot of new things. We meet with a lot of new friends, so, we lost contact after that. (Actually, not really. Because his mom is my mom's friend, and not really best friend :)

I thought he had changed. Seriously. I really thought of that. Because, every time I chat with him (a long time ago), he just like... don't really care about. He just like, "Just go away! You're disturbing me." "You're so awkward, chat with someone all of sudden." Something kinda like that. Then, I stopped chatted with him.

And there's one time when I send him "Happy Birthday" message and he never reply to it. From there, I'm really hurt. Seriously. And I REALLY thought that he had TRULY CHANGED. You know? It was totally hurt when, someone that you assume as a precious person had changed. Truly.

But, I'm mistaken. That day... when it was actually Hari Raya during that time, he went to my house.. with his family actually, I really shocked. Because it had been 2 years since he didn't went to my house for Hari Raya. and I was like.. AWKWARD and "Why he's here!?" (okay, that way too mean). Because I still angry actually.

Then, when they want to leave, my mom told me to give the angpau to his little sister, and all of sudden, I have that braveness to meet him face to face. (ALL OF SUDDEN GUYS) and also.. I told my mom to produce more money for him.

Then, I give it to them. (I'm having a very hard time to be normal, okay not really). Then, we met each other, I was like "Okay, Farah, act normal.. act normal.. act normal pleaseee" *with that cute pleading voice*

Initially, he refused to accept it, but I pushed him to accept it. (Hah!)  and then, when he tried to say something to me..

Something that weird happen. I dunno why but all of sudden I can't hear his words. All I see is his bright face and I realized that I really talk to him like normal. Like I don't ever hate him that much. All the grudge that I hold like just go with the wind. 

And seriously, during that time I realized that he's really didn't change a bit. He's still like the old one. My best friend during my childhood. Too much feelings that I felt during that day. Just imagine, for one year.. I think that he had changed like crazy.

That one feeling that totally made my day during that time; A FEELING OF RELIEF THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T CHANGE. 

Finally..

All my thoughts in one year was proved as wrong. and I feel really relief. Seriously. All of that worries had gone. Thanks God. It make me smile until now.   

Dear Diary: Such a terrible day.

Assalamualaikum and hey you guys!

Yeah. Thanks God, we meet again and I can say that today is one of my sucks day. Totally sucks.

Okay. I'm a bookworm, so it is a nightmare if a person like me can't borrow any books from the library, right?

But..

it had HAPPENED today with me.

Hah. Dang it.

Okay. So, you guys must be curious why I can't borrow any books, right? 

It is because I haven't give back one of my book that I borrowed. My friend borrows it actually, but it went missing!! (Double problems for me. Haha. Terrible. Haha)

And most unfortunately, she doesn't know where's she put it. Like seriously, for crying out loud.. I just feel want to cry a river T.T

She had tried to find it, but, still.. she haven't found it :(

I want to say to the staff that the book went missing, but I'm afraid. Because all of the staff of the library are like "tigers". Seriously. Except that one eonni (sister) that really friendly and always smile. I just like her among the dang staffs. 

And I really confuse what to do. If the book had been found, everything will be settle. I'll always pray to Allah that the book will be found. Aamiin. 

A few days ago, I have a nightmare like this and it really happened. Oh My God. I don't expect it. 

#Holiday! #NovemberStories

Assalamualaikum and hey you guys!

Okay, it had been a very long time and yeah! it was November! Welcome November! I'm just pray and wish to Allah that this month gonna be fine. Aamiin.

And holiday had started! yayy. Finally, rest days are coming! Tbh, I'm totally tired from the school days. Especially, earlier of the year. erghhh. It was so freaking tired when I think it again.

Btw, lately, I'm not that really writing on this blog, because I really don't know what to write actually, but, thanks God, today I've something to write.

Actually, there's nothing special on my holiday. Just stay at home like ages. And also stuck with Twitter and Facebook. Oh, I forgot. With books too (But it is benefit, hehe) hahaha. Actually, I will go for a camp this Friday, but it cancelled for some reasons. And I was like *cries a river*, because I'm freaking bored at this holiday.

Oh, I forgot! and I'm not forget to watch Bangtan Boys (BTS) Rookie King this holiday too, but, sadly, it just has about 8 episodes and I had watched it all. I want more from them! T,T 
Btw, it made me laugh a lot xD

Btw, Imma have a very great day yesterday. Yesterday, my friends and I were sending our participation paper for those camp to our teacher. After that, actually, my friend invited me to hangout with them. Initially, I wanted to refuse it due to the weather that was totally HOT!

But..

I felt guilty and just accepted it. Then, yeah, tbh, that was my very first time hangout with them together at the town, so, I decided to make some memorable moments in this year.

It was just a simple hangout, but priceless.

Walked up to town. Thigh hurt. Bought some "mangga asam+kicap+amoi+lada" (typical food for the sour food lover). Ate "mee sup" and fried chicken. Laughed with them. They try their luck with those "Win An iPhone!" game (I dunno what that called, but something kinda like that).

And this my FIRST time eat "mangga asam+kicap+amoi+lada" deliciously too. hahaha.

Not a fancy hangout, but it was still memorable. At least, I had done something precious with my friends this year. :)

Actually, I don't know why, lately, I feel there's something broke in my heart and I JUST DUNNO WHY. But you know, teenagers always like that. Especially girls that are grown up.

Then, there was this one night that I can't sleep. Then, I decided to make a reflection with myself. I told all my heartbroken, sadness, frustration in my heart with myself. Told myself all sorrowful things that I had overcame. All things that I had struggled. Surely, I was like crying a river, but it was such a big relief. Then, I sleep calmly.

Then, the next day, I don't expect that I had a great day with my friends. I'm really feel grateful to Allah. Thanks Allah.

Okay, that's all my lame story. hahhaa. Just kidding. Thanks for read, stalker! xD

Insyaallah, we'll meet again with Allah's Wills.

My dearest brothers.

Assalamualaikum and hey you guys!

Alhamdulillah, we meet again. And, guess what? My examination had ended! Yayy. I feel relief a little bit. Just a little bit, because actually I was worrying about my result. I pray that I get a very good results. Aamiin.

Btw. Today's title is actually about my brothers. I feel like want to tell about them all of sudden. I just dunno why. 

Basically, I have 2 siblings, and all of them are male. I'm the youngest. The cutie one :p
To be honest, I'm not that really close with my brothers when I'm just a little girl. They hate me so much. hahahaha. 

They always mocked me, teased me and made me cried.  Because, from my observation, "Do not befriend with girls" is their MAIN RULE. I guess. 

There was one time when I'm alone and saw them with their gangs (all of them were male), then I went to them to talk with them.. guess what happen? They chased me. That person who chased me were not my brothers. He was the person that I really hate until now. (He's actually a Casanova, that's why I hate him)

Tbh, I was so humiliating during that time. I have many friends actually. But, you know, there's time that their parents don't let them go out to play. 

Then, when we all grow up, our attitude changed immediately. My first brother naturally being good with me. But, my second bro, it takes a lot of time. Then, there's one day when my brother went to Langkawi to attend an extreme camp (I guess). He was at there about over 3 weeks. 

And when he's not at home, I feel lonely all of sudden and I said this all of sudden..

"Saya rindu oh si I**."

All of sudden. hahaha. I actually said that untuk suka-suka saja. Then, after he came back from there. My mom told him that I miss him (actually half miss, half not, ngeehhehehe).

From there, with naturally, we became closer as a sibling. My second brother is my closest bro. Seriously. I feel so lonely without him. Because, all of his jokes just made me laugh everyday. We used to watch Epen Kah Cupen Toh to laugh. 

He's so kind too, truly.. he had bought me about.. 6 books? (5 books for my PMR presents and 1 book because of my desire) hahhaha. and he also give me that vintage school bag too. But for some reasons. It is sooo pretty. I'm a vintage things lover tbh.

And about my first bro, I'm not really close to him due to he's working like day and night. So, we have that much time together. Btw, he's a very GOOD LISTENER. Seriously. 

As a proof, there was one day when I knew the person that I like sooo much had girlfriend, I feel like can't breathe, and I cried for a night. Then, I just don't know with whom I want to tell it. Then, I tell him. Then, he played a song called "Run" by Epik High. He said that..

"When I'm sad, I used to play this song."

(such a genius listener ;)

As I said early, I feel so lonely without my second bro. Now too. Actually, when I'm lonely, I used to play with my dearest cat named "Tommy". But, since it dead, all had changed. I can say that the day it dead is one of my second hardest day in my life. It's the only cat that I realized understand me and loveable so much. Okay. I'm not gonna talk much about it. (If you're curious about that cat, you can ask me anything :)

Okay. Let's change the topic a little bit. Ok, since I like BTS, I used to watch their "BANGTAN BOMB" videos about everyday. When you're stress, go watch it. Saya jamin you'll never regret.

I wish I have a great friendship as BTS's members' friendship. 

Btw, let's end here. hehehe. We'll meet again with Allah's Will. 

Special Post : Selamat Hari Lahir, Piah !

Assalamualaikum and hey you guys!

So today, umm, actually this is not the very official post like I do before, because today is my best friend's birthday! sbenarnya saya mau buat kejutan utk dia through blog. heheh. 

#ucapan : 

Selamat hari lahir, Piah! 

Semoga kau sentiasa sihat walafiat, sentiasa happy, sentiasa senyum, jangan stress2 (especially sma kwan2 kau di kelas), ingat2 lah sama kami (sy, jamilah, jijah, wani, pika, nurin). Saya harap kau masih mcm dlu. Sentiasa jaga diri, jangan lupa solat, dan ingat-ingatlah Allah.

Ingat-ingat lah dgn janji kita msa lepas PMR dlu yang kita tdk berubah dan masih kontek kontek. Saya sentiasa sayang kau sebagai adik saya walaupun kita bkn adik-beradik. Dan, serius, saya rindu saat-saat kita ketawa berhabisan dlu. Klu boleh, saya mau ulang balik tu saat. (Okay, menahan menangis sdh ni, haha :')

#throwback, saya ingat lagi macam mna kita boleh berkenal dulu. Masa masuk tingkatan 1, kita tersatu meja kan? lepas tu, si hawani ingat saya orang Cina (LOL much). wakkaak. Lepas tu dia suruh kau tanya siapa nama saya. Lepas tu si hawani terkejut lagi kan saya pandai cakap melayu. hahaha. Lucu ni saya rasa.

Lepas tu pernah lagi saya marah kamu yang tiba-tiba ni, sebab di surau pun kamu ketawa sampai tidak ingat dunia. Lepas tu yang kita betul-betul terapat masa tingkatan 2. 

Masa tu durang Jamilah, Jijah dan Pika selalu tiada di kelas sebab pgi latihan nasyid. Masa tu kamu rapat betul sama si pika dan saya rapat betul sama durang jijah & jamilah. Time durang tiada, tiba2 ni kita terdiam, lepas tu kamu pindah tempat duduk pgi satu pgi dengan saya. Time tu lah, kita terapat betul.

Sebab saya minta cerita kamu apa yang selalu bkin kamu ketawa terbahak-bahak. Lepas tu, kamu ceritalah zaman kamu di sekolah rendah. Then, kita selalu ketawa. Ketawa saja kerja sepanjang tahun. Astaga. Saya rindu betul oh masa tu. :')

Akhir kata, jagalah diri selalu Piah. Saya sentiasa berdoa agar persahabatan kita kekal. Aamiin :) I love you, Piah :)

Kita zaman muda-mudi :)